STILL I HAVEN’T FOUND MYSELF

I’d be telling lies if I said I could say something about myself yet I haven’t discovered myself either.Gerald is just a name I ran into someday as I was going through my mama’s always well arranged documents. “Oh, so Gerald was daddy’s name,”I would be heard mentioning in my thoughts. Yet still I could explain over and over to my friends who followed me on twitter, Facebook, linked In,Instagram and even my stalkers on WhatsApp that Gerald ain’t one of my male friends name.But my efforts would only be fruitless.

As for my other name, my dictionary tells me Judith has got no much meaning than a Female given name, still it could be a Book of the Old Testament of Some Christian Bibles.I would presume this to be the Catholic Church Bible not cause I am a Catholic myself but as were taught to me by my Religious Study teacher.

Enough of my defense of my Common nouns, in the month of March on the 14th day,same as the renown Albert Einstein, my hero Jayne Gerald begot a daughter. I think that would be enough to explain to you how reasonable I do get at times. My peers would tell you, Wisdom Manenos. As it were in the days of old, I was named after my Great Grand mother. Being brought up with my mama has been the most beautiful experience though not at all times. I do tell myself that if it were not for her then I would not be even half of who I am today.She did give herself away to make me the woman,yes sure,the woman I am today.

Primary school experience was not any bad though I battled a bit with time keeping, I must admit I still do even in the recent times. Migosi Seventh Day Adventist Primary School is well know for nurturing well mannered pupils hence it won’t be wrong to mention that I am part of the nurtured students of this institution. For my secondary education,I was privileged to go to one of my dream school in the furthest part of the Rift Valley in Eldoret, Segero Adventist Secondary. The hardships I did go through here would be left for mentioning in another day as I believe they would be as common as in any institution. Yet still, my struggle with time keeping still carried the day as I remember at some point my Deputy Principal threatened to send me home just so I learn to keep and manage time. Still I credit my teachers who shaped me to become the person that I am in this day.

My greatest dream had always been to go to the much praised University, The University Of Nairobi.Noticed I never missed the article right in front of the noun University cause I understand if I ever did then I’d be answerable for it. In the month of January on the 13th I joined this University as it had been my wish and up to this time, I have not gotten to see what had made me go down on my knees so often to come here.But I complain not.

Amidst the life struggles I have experienced so often, I have failed to know myself much as my effortless struggles have borne no fruits.

You might be wondering why I have not found myself yet;well, my life has been a bit complicated in various spheres and angles. I have not really understood the meaning of falling in love as often times, I have faced several break ups and even at times unfaithfulness. I think love should be left for the birds. I won’t take chances! Hell no!  Whoever came up with expressions of TILL DEATH DO US PART, TO CHERISH AND TO HOLD, FOR BETTER FOR WORSE, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH… please do wake up and get us out of this fairy tale. But even so, I am not allowing myself to be fooled by you. I have offered my chums a shoulder to lean on often times they come with patched,wounded, plastered, hearts. They tell me they will overcome those struggles with love and so I laugh within and promise them success on my lips. So they tell me I haven’t just experienced true love and I almost believe them to even think that STILL I HAVEN’T FOUND MYSELF.

Aside from my dramatic love life, it has been confusing when it comes to discovering my talents, strengths, gifts as you would best prefer to name it.Since childhood I have had mum on my neck for making every classwork book a Drawing book. It has been one of my greatest interest in life to a point that I had to think over what I needed to do in future. My folks have told me often times that I should consider being an Architect and aim for the skies. On the other hand, my wildest dream has been singing in front of some big crowd and receiving a standing ovation to acknowledge my perfect singing. Though I did study music in my four years in high school, still I feel like I should stop at nothing than the Royal Academy of Music in the United Kingdom.

My English Primary teacher would tell me,”Wise lady,consider pursuing  a degree in Mass Communication;your English is profound” Torn in between going to Kenya Institute of Mass Communication to fulfill my late teachers request and going for a degree in The University of Nairobi, I settled for the latter. Hence it explains why I resorted to writing as it would perhaps bring me closer to nurturing my dream of becoming one of the renown authors.

And so I would say that I am yet to discover what I want to do with myself cause it could be STILL I HAVEN’T FOUND MYSELF.